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| This was the best picture I could get while dealing with Bucky melting down about not getting a Starbucks cake pop. |
Welcome to our blog. This is a review blog mainly featuring James and Jerome, a father-son duo with a passion for the world’s greatest meal: a cheeseburger and fries. In the coming months, we will review all of the cheeseburgers in Michigan. Occasionally, Bucky the Preschooler and Erin the Matriarch will join in. We might even have some special “dads only” nights. Anyway, here is our review of Olive’s Restaurant & Bar in East Grand Rapids.
Jerome, Bucky, and I were in Grand Rapids visiting my mom. She suggested that we go to Olive’s Restaurant & Bar for lunch. I’d never been there, and it was in the decidedly “bougie” Gaslight Village area of East Grand Rapids so I was a little apprehensive. But, once my mom said she’d pay, I was on board.
My mom had been to Olive’s quite a few times before because she’s friends with the daughter of the owners: “She lives right up the street.” I’m pretty sure I’ve met her. But, that doesn’t matter. We weren’t there to play the Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Olive's has been around since 2004, and it’s mainly known for its martinis and other fancy cocktails. For our trip, we didn’t drink anything harder than water.
Jerome’s Review
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| Jerome having a charring experience. |
It is generally hard for me to write a less than favorable review of a restaurant, but I’m afraid that Olive’s had less than favorable food. While the restaurant itself is quite nice, the food I found left much to be desired. I had to wave down a server to get another burger because mine was overdone to the point of being charred. My Dad agreed with my criticism of the food and said that his olive burger was far lower quality than he expected, which is honestly surprising considering the place’s name is Olive’s. Though it pains me, I would not recommend going to Olive’s for the food but rather the drinks.
(Editor’s Note: NOBODY let Jerome drink alcohol at Olive’s!)
Bucky’s Review
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| Bucky stuffing his face. |
“Yummy.”
James’s Review
Cheeseburger 16/25
Olive’s serves four burgers: sliders (called “whimpy burgers”), an olive burger, a tempeh and mushroom burger, and a turkey burger. I didn’t think twice about what I’d get: the olive burger. When the server asked me how done I wanted the burger, I had high hopes. I ordered medium in the hopes that it might come out with a little pink in the middle. I was disappointed.
The menu says the olive burger has “olive mayo, lettuce, tomato, red onion, swiss, kaiser.” I had no complaints about the tomato, onion, cheese, or bun. They were good, and I’m glad they were included with the burger without an additional cost. My critique will focus on the olives, “lettuce,” and burger.
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| Ironically, Olive's didn't get the olive burger's olives right. |
Aside from the green olive that was impaled atop the bun by a little sandwich toothpick, the rest of the olives in the burger were black. I’m suspecting Kalamatas. But, every other olive burger I’ve had in my life used green (most likely Manzanilla or Spanish) olives. The Kalamata flavor is too subtle to serve as a good olive burger olive. Also, if one is going to depart from the norm, shouldn’t the menu warn customers?
The greens were not lettuce. If I had to guess, I’d say it was arugula. Usually, I wouldn’t mind having non-lettuce leafy vegetables on my burger, but there were long hard parts in the leaves. My mom had the same problem with her veggie burger. She thought maybe they weren’t trimmed correctly or something.
Lastly, the burger patty itself was overcooked. There was a fair amount of char on it that dominated the burger’s flavor. The patty was not seasoned at all. What I did like about the patty was that it was nice and thick.
After reading these last few paragraphs, you might think the burger was terrible. But, it was not. It just was not good. Fair? I’d say it was fair. I might even say fine. It was fine dining. Anyway, I had a bite of my mom’s veggie burger, and it was excellent. So, maybe order that instead?
Fries 21/25
There wasn’t really anything special about the fries. They were salted well, and they were your standard cut that you’ve come to expect. Bucky kept chowing down on them. And, once I got some mayo, I stuffed my face as well. We didn’t have any left at the end of the meal.
Value 19/25
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| Thank you for lunch, Mommy/Bubbe. |
Here’s what our receipt looked like:
- Veggie Burger $11
- Hamburger $11
- Olive Burger $12
- Total with tax: $36.04
- Tip: $7.96
I would like to take this opportunity to thank my mommy for picking up the tab. If anyone reading this is willing to pick up the tab, I will gladly eat at your preferred burger joint. Free is my favorite food.
I really liked that the fries and toppings were included in the price of the burger. It made me feel a little less like a fat lard…until I asked for mayonnaise.
Ambiance 13/15
The atmosphere was nice and relaxed. The décor was beautiful. There were wine bottles all over the place. It was bougie, but you know what? I’m a classy mofo. And, it was another place where everyone was white. Coming from Oregon, a very white state, it bugs me to see how segregated the races are here in Michigan. We treat each other differently, and it sucks. Anyway, I don’t think a restaurant review is an appropriate place to get into America’s race problems, especially since it’s completely irrelevant to Olive’s.
Service 8/10
We got there at about 11:35, and the restaurant was fairly empty. There were a few servers. We were done with our meal and paid within the hour. Our server was attentive and apologetic when Jerome’s burger came out inedible. I did have to flag her down to get my fatty McFatman mayo sauce, but for the most part, they did a great job.
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